According to Melissa King, a psychotherapist who runs a support group for women with herpes in New York City, when someone finds out they’ve gotten herpes from a partner, there’s often immediately an assumption that the partner knew that they had it and lied, or that they were cheating. “But the reality is that in a lot of cases, people don’t know that they have it,” King tells BuzzFeed.
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Consider designating a special, brightly colored bracelet or visual designator that you will wear only during active viral periods: this will serve as a visual cue, reminding you each time that you eat or drink that food and/or beverage sharing is not an option during this time: this subtle cue will remind you to not engage in a high-risk behavior during an active viral period.

Herpes infection can cause sores or breaks in the skin or lining of the mouth, vagina, and rectum. This provides a way for HIV to enter the body. Even without visible sores, having genital herpes increases the number of CD4 cells (the cells that HIV targets for entry into the body) found in the lining of the genitals. When a person has both HIV and genital herpes, the chances are higher that HIV will be spread to an HIV-uninfected sex partner during sexual contact with their partner’s mouth, vagina, or rectum.

Herpes simplex is a viral infection caused by the herpes simplex virus.[1] Infections are categorized based on the part of the body infected. Oral herpes involves the face or mouth. It may result in small blisters in groups often called cold sores or fever blisters or may just cause a sore throat.[2][5] Genital herpes, often simply known as herpes, may have minimal symptoms or form blisters that break open and result in small ulcers.[1] These typically heal over two to four weeks.[1] Tingling or shooting pains may occur before the blisters appear.[1] Herpes cycles between periods of active disease followed by periods without symptoms.[1] The first episode is often more severe and may be associated with fever, muscle pains, swollen lymph nodes and headaches.[1] Over time, episodes of active disease decrease in frequency and severity.[1] Other disorders caused by herpes simplex include: herpetic whitlow when it involves the fingers,[6] herpes of the eye,[7] herpes infection of the brain,[8] and neonatal herpes when it affects a newborn, among others.[9]
According to Cullins, there are no standardized guidelines from the CDC for suppressive therapy through medication, but it is an option that people with HSV should talk to their healthcare providers about. “If a person knows they have had herpes in the past that has affected their genitals, they can take suppressive therapy — for example, 500 mg of valacyclovir daily.” While it won’t prevent outbreaks, it will prevent asymptomatic virus shedding. Preventing exposure to the virus through both medication and a physical barrier can be very effective.
Herpes sores usually appear as one or more blisters on or around the genitals, rectum or mouth. The blisters break and leave painful sores that may take a week or more to heal. These symptoms are sometimes called “having an outbreak.” The first time someone has an outbreak they may also have flu-like symptoms such as fever, body aches, or swollen glands.
Genital herpes is passed on by skin-to-skin contact during vaginal, oral or anal sex, or by sharing sex toys. You can get genital herpes even if there are no visible sores or blisters, and once you have the virus, there is no cure. 'Herpes is more likely to be passed on just before, during or straight after an outbreak, as herpes blisters and sores are highly infectious,' says O’Sullivan.
A 2004 study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that suppressive therapy decreases the risk of HSV-2 transmission from symptomatic, infected partners to uninfected partners by 48%. So “the risk of transmission is significantly reduced, but cannot be eliminated even with suppressive therapy,” Johnston explains, and she stresses that the virus can be passed along even without signs or symptoms.
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